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Members of Congress have Watch Tasty Chicken and Sex Onlinereceived an influx in calls lately because, ya know, the world is falling apart and people have something to say about it.

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Gathering all of your thoughts together for one short voicemail could be tough, but with this handy Congress Calling Madlibs created by Melissa Hunter, you'll now have the perfect script to accurately express your horror:

There's a spot to plug in a "new horrifying appointment or bill" you want to address, your own "scary verb" to describe the madness and an "optional improvisation" if you're feeling bold and confident and not spiraling out of control.

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Try it with a friend, fill it in with your wackiest concerns and get to dialing. Your country needs you.


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